Don't...
- Use a sarcastic tone or put kids down.
- Quit.
- Get into a power struggle.
- Humiliate.
- Ignore bad behavior.
- Be surprised at bad behavior.
- Do anything drastic until you listen a lot, think a lot, and pray a lot.
- Allow discussions to turn into destructive arguments.
Do...
- Pause before taking "official action." Always count to 10. Better yet, try 110.
- Admit your anger.
- Ask the person to talk with you privately.
- Speak firmly.
- Make it clear you expect good behavior.
- Enlist other adults for advice, help, prayer, and support.
- Intervene immediately when violent behavior occurs.
- Notice good behavior and tell the person.
- Cool off briefly before you discuss the problem with the person.
- Be specific about the behavior you object to.
- Apologize if you're wrong.
- Allow the person to save face.
- Demonstrate forgiveness to the person who made you angry.
- Share a prayer of thankfulness when the conflict is over and the problem resolved.
- Ask the person what course of action they think you should follow. (The "misbehaver" often has a good idea that will take care of the situation.)
**
Les Christie has spent more than forty years in youth ministry, including more than twenty years in the same church. An energetic speaker, Les also chairs the youth ministry department at William Jessup University. He's the author of more than a dozen books and lives in California with his wife, Gretchen, where he no longer has to discipline his two grown sons, Brent and David.
*Save 30% off the retail price of "When Church Kids Go Bad" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNOT1. This offer expires 10/15/08.
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