A Thank You

This note was written to our staff from one of the homeowners we worked with this week:

Dear Pastor Faig,

My name is Mary and I live in Lumberton, North Carolina. This past week I was blessed by the hard work of the youth of Gayton Baptist Church and the adult volunteers that traveled to Robeson County. Adult members of your team arrived at my house on Saturday to begin prep work on my home. It was in need of removal of rotten wood, pressure washing, and painting. The youth arrived at my home on Monday and not only did this group work hard at this project, they also painted 2 bathrooms and as a real challenge several of the girls as well as Ann volunteered to clean up what I would call a “disaster room”. The energy, enthusiasm, dedication and love that all of the members of this group (adult and youth) showed to me was a true reflection of God’s love.

I would like to thank each adult volunteer and the youth for all that they did for me. I would also like to thank members of the church for their support of the youth program. Your church has a lot of young men and women to be proud of. May God continue to bless each one of them.

In Christ love,
Mary and Asher

leaving Red Springs

On Sunday night, we gave each family group a fabric swatch. Margaret Busey was a devoted blanket maker for children in need, and as we dedicated this trip to her memory, it seemed fitting to use a quilt square.

When we gathered for worship on Friday evening, we called each family group to the front as we prayed a blessing for the homeowners and families we worked with this week. When each family group came forward, they added their square to a larger 'quilt,' symbolically representing the greater things we can do together. One of the families joined us -- I'm glad our youth got to worship with the family.

Larry, camp director at the Red Springs mission camp, closed our morning devotion time today with a prayer of blessing for us. After last night's worship, that was a great way to end our experience before we hit the road. Now that we're heading home, I pray that our youth will continue to grow and process this great experience, growing into stronger followers of Christ, continuing to do 'greater' things.

-Aaron

Friday In Pictures

Today is the end.

On Sunday night, I challenged our youth to listen to someone's life story this week. We often get so focused on ourselves that we forget to hear -- truly listen and take it in.

This week, the youth running Bible school at the apartment complex have taken that to heart. I am impressed with their growth, the way they processed the lifestyles they saw, and the way they selflessly poured out all of themselves to show God's love to those kids. I am thankful for their leadership with the rest of our youth, and I hope those stories will continue to be told for a long time.

Thanks be to God for working in the lives of these children -- and our youth -- this week.

- Aaron

Thursday's Slideshow

The People.

I met Tony yesterday morning when I walked into Polly's house in Laurinburg. The roof had leaks all over the house, so after the crew removed the old shingles, they put a brand new layer of plywood down before they start re-shingling. Another crew is on the ground replacing a handicap access ramp. A third crew is around back clearing brush away from the house, and a fourth crew is inside painting the kitchen and the hallway.

Over at John and Lou's house in Lumberton, two crews are working hard. John told me about the house fire they had on March 21. It started in the garage at the far end of the house, and destroyed a lot of the antiques he kept in the bedroom. His circa 1960's Gibson guitar survived, though, because it was locked up in the case. John and Lou were sitting down in the living room watching the Gospel TV show that John had hosted for many years, when Lou noticed how bright it was outside. When she got to the window, she saw the house was on fire. Fire crews from all around responded to the call. A neighbor, who helped the GBC bus find the house after it circled the block four times Monday morning, was ecstatic that our youth were helping John and Lou rebuild.
One crew is outside finishing the roof replacement, while the other crew is sealing smoke-damaged wall studs. The roof should be completed tomorrow, and the interior is ready for walls to go up.

The VBS crew had 8 more kids on Tuesday, and some of the moms spent the morning there, too. The youth are having a great time with these kids, sharing Jesus with them.

The crew over at Asher's house in Lumberton has been painting the exterior and the bathrooms inside. The house looks great, and Asher and his mom are so appreciative. During the summer, Asher spends his time at the Red Springs Camp, helping the camp director in any way he can. During the school year, he's a high school student in Lumberton.

Tuesday's Slideshow

Red Springs: Monday in Video

Red Springs: Monday in Picture

Having trouble viewing the slideshow? Want to download copies of the pictures? Visit the Monday Album

Red Springs Pictures

Here are a few pictures from our preview trip to Red Springs Camp. Check back July 20 for more pictures from YMT09!

Weekly Update: June 15

Weekly Update: May 18

Weekly Update: April 29

Weekly Update: April 22

Weekly Update: April 16

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Weekly Update: Youth Sunday, YMT Update, Help Wanted

Mission Trip Update

We have recently discovered that our partner organization in Port Sulphur has lost funding to complete any further rebuilding efforts. After they finish the homes they are currently constructing, they will transition to a new stage of ministry and assist the church in long-term ministry. Unfortunately, without the rebuilding projects, there is not sufficient work for our youth this July.

Since we discovered this last week, we have been feverishly working on a new site for YMT '09. We are leaving no stone unturned and eagerly anticipate discovering who our new partner will be. We invite your prayers as we continue to seek out a new work:

• Pray that God will open the doors for the work He would have us to do this summer.
• Pray for our partners in Port Sulphur and all those who have still not returned home.
• Pray for our new partners, that God will prepare the place for us to serve so that our youth will experience a great ministry in July.

Thank you for your prayers for our Youth Leadership, our friends in Port Sulphur and our potential new partner.

Why the Resurrection Matters

Easter week provides an obvious opportunity to talk with teens about the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Our cultural response to the holiday runs the gamut from ignoring it altogether, secularizing it for the sake of marketing and festivities, scorning it, and—perhaps—over-spiritualizing the day.

It may sound odd to say that we could over-spiritualize Easter, but it happens in two ways. When we place such a large spiritual emphasis on Easter that it makes our everyday walk with Christ seem meager by comparison, we can communicate to our kids and teens that it’s safe to keep Jesus on a special shelf instead of bringing Him into every moment of our “real lives.”

[read more]

Weekly Update: March 12, 2009

Real World Parents

Street Figher: The Legend of Chun-Li

“Street Fighter” didn’t set any box office records, but it is aimed squarely at young action fans, including those who have spent time with the…
Read Review

Madea Goes to Jail
Tyler Perry’s “dramedies” are always packed with big worldview ideas. Even his crazy characters talk a lot about going to church and doing what the…
Read Review

Immigrants’ Children Look Closer For Love [Washington Post]

Teenage Stress Has Implications for Adult Health [UCLA]

Generation OMG [NY Times]

How To Tell Your Teen is Abusing Drugs [Forbes]

Quotable

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
- Dale Carnegie

Chaperone Info [Deadline March 15]

To enlarge the letter, click on the graphic below.

Gayton is Closed Tonight (3/1)

Weekly Update: February 27

Weekly Update [SPECIAL EDITION]

Weekly Update: February 16

Parents,

      Look for the Weekly Update in your Inbox now on Monday or Tuesday of each week for the latest in Gayton Youth.

      Three big things happening this Sunday: restore sign-up deadline, the Chili Cookoff and the Parents Forum at 7PM. There will be sign-up forms available Sunday morning and during the Chili Cookoff for restore.

restore Weekend || March 6-8
sign-ups & forms are in the Youth Room and Lobby // download form
      Middle schoolers. High schoolers. Get ready for restore Weekend, our weekend in-town "retreat." This is an exciting weekend focused on small group interaction, large group worship with Winn Collier (right top) and Sovatone and an exciting encounter with our Creator. Cost is $25 for the weekend and sign-ups end THIS SUNDAY!!! (February 22)

CHILI COOKOFF || February 22 @ 5:30 PM
sign-ups in the Youth Room or Lobby
      Do you think your chili is the best? Let your GBC family be the judge! Please bring your award winning chili hot in a crock pot. Cheese, onion, and sour cream will be provided. If you don’t have a favorite chili recipe, you can bring cornbread, salad/slaw, or a dessert. Questions, or haven't signed up yet? Please call Amy Stumpf 364-4335. Invite your friends and neighbors, and sign up to help setup, clean up or cook! Volunteers (Parents & Youth) are needed to setup, cook (chili, corn bread, salad, dessert), and clean-up!

Have a great week!!

Weekly Update: February 12

Parents,

      restore, the Chili Cookoff, YMT '09 and the Silent Auction/Dinner. That's a lot to keep track of! Remember these important dates:

Feb. 22	restore money ($25) is due Chili Cookoff
Mar 6-8	restore
Mar 15	[CHANGE!!] YMT Chaperone and Deposit Forms Due Form links available to the right
Mar. 21	Silent Auction/Dinner

      Also, this Monday is a No School Day for Henrico County. A few of our youth leaders will be going out into the community to solicit donations for the Silent Auction Fundraiser. Interested in helping? E-mail Aaron or sign-up Sunday night after engage.

restoreWEEKEND || March 6-8
sign-ups & forms are in the Youth Room and Lobby // download form
      Middle schoolers. High schoolers. Get ready for restoreWEEKEND, our weekend in-town "retreat." This is an exciting weekend focused on small group interaction, large group worship with Winn Collier (right top) and Sovatone and an exciting encounter with our Creator. Cost is $25 for the weekend and sign-ups end February 22.
      

CHILI COOKOFF || February 22 @ 5:30 PM
sign-ups in the Youth Room or Lobby
      Do you think your chili is the best? Let your GBC family be the judge! Please bring your award winning chili hot in a crock pot. Cheese, onion, and sour cream will be provided. If you don’t have a favorite chili recipe, you can bring cornbread, salad/slaw, or a dessert. Questions? Please call Amy Stumpf 364-4335. Invite your friends and neighbors, and sign up to help setup, clean up or cook! Volunteers (Parents & Youth) are needed to setup, cook, and clean-up!

      Do you ever go to Starbucks? Buy a gift card to benefit the Youth Mission Trip, and reload it online when it runs out -- 7% of your purchases will benefit the youth (reloads also available for Gap/Old Navy, Exxon/Mobil, CVS and Lowes). Visit ShopWithScrip.com and enter DD864BL119488. Their website is newly redesigned and easier to use than ever. Talk to Aaron about any questions. Orders will be placed twice a month (reloads can be processed immediately).

Until
next week...

Weekly Update: February 5

Parents,

      The next few months are going to be exciting, busy, fun and challenging times for our youth. Between Mission Trip prep, the restoreWEEKEND and our regular, weekly ministries, I hope your youth are connecting with their Creator like never before.

      If you have a high schooler who is interested in going to Freedom House tomorrow night, we'll meet @ GBC at 5PM and return about 7PM. E-mail me with questions.

      There is a new post on the blog this week from Youth Specialties about discipline. It was written for youth workers, but is invaluable to parents as well. Take a minute and check it out after this Weekly Update.

restoreWEEKEND || March 6-8
sign-ups & forms are in the Youth Room and Lobby // download here
      Middle schoolers. High schoolers. Get ready for restoreWEEKEND, our weekend in-town "retreat." This is an exciting weekend focused on small group interaction, large group worship with Winn Collier (right top) and Sovatone and an exciting encounter with our Creator. Cost is $25 for the weekend and sign-ups end February 22.
      

CHILI COOKOFF || February 22 @ 5:30 PM
sign-ups in the Youth Room or Lobby
      Are you a chili pro? This event is for you! Make a pot and win the top prize. Or just eat a bowl and make a donation toward the YMT. Invite your friends and neighbors, and sign up to help setup, clean up or cook! Volunteers are needed to setup, cook, clean-up and promote!

      And don't forget the gift card fundraiser! Visit ShopWithScrip.com and enter DD864BL119488. Their website is newly redesigned and easier to use than ever. Talk to Aaron about any questions. Orders will be placed twice a month.

Prayer Ministry Introduction and Coffee
      The prayer ministry will be hosting coffee and prayer on Sunday, February 8 @ 6:00 p.m. in the Sojourner's Class (room 211). Come learn about a creative way to be involved in prayer for the needs of our church family and visitors. This is an excellent way for your to spend the engage hour!

Until next week...

Four Discipline "Don'ts"

These four ideas will help reinforce approaching discipline in a positive manner. This excerpt from "When Church Kids Go Bad" (and they do!) will help you. (Editor's Note: This was originally written to youth workers, but applies to parenting as well.)

FOUR DISCIPLINE DON'TS

I've spent most of this chapter offering a variety of ideas about what you can do to respond effectively to everyday discipline challenges. But before we close, let's look at a few important "don'ts" of discipline:

Don't Expect You'll Always Be Popular

When youth leaders complain they can't control their young people, I frequently ask, "Do they do what you ask them to do?" The answer is often, "Yeah, they do it--but I don't like the way they do it. It's their attitude, you see." When I pursue the issue, I find that many leaders think teens should not only be compliant, but also should be delighted over the opportunity to comply.

But teenagers are usually not happy about being corrected--that's a lesson we all learn eventually. One ministry I worked with had a rule that no smoking was allowed during our week at camp. One year, a counselor saw a kid lighting up during free time. Since this kid had never camped with us before, the counselor went to the young person, explained the rule, and asked the camper to put out the cigarette. The camper complied, but the counselor was upset the student didn't look thrilled at being told he wouldn't be allowed to smoke all week. Rather than getting bent out of shape, the counselor probably should have been appreciative that the camper complied with his wishes. Agreeing not to smoke for the week may have been very difficult for this kid--especially since he didn't share the counselor's opinion on the value of cigarette smoking (or lack of it).

Don't expect your students will like every single thing you ask them to do. Simply because you want a young person to stop a certain behavior does not mean she'll no longer have that desire. Don't hassle a kid who complies just because she doesn't seem happy about it. I'm not saying you should accept backtalk or nastiness, but don't declare war just because the kid has an expression on her face that says, "This is a dumb rule." Don't even try to convince her immediately that it is a good rule. You can explain your reasoning at a later time when the person is ready to talk.

Don't Embarrass Teenagers Publicly

If you've spent hours preparing a lesson, the last thing you want is a disruption in the group. It can be tempting to say something in response that might embarrass the troublemaker, and make him or her feel humiliated. But before you do so, consider the consequences.

Teenagers are incredibly self-conscious. Your remark may stop the troublemaking behavior, but the resulting embarrassment could cost you a group member. And that one embarrassed teenager will probably tell five or six friends what you did--and you may lose them, too. Most outbursts are designed to get your attention. You reward troublemakers when you stop everything to focus on them.

Don't Resort to Destructive Criticism or Name-Calling

A pinch of constructive criticism is part of the recipe for any good youth group. Unfortunately, many youth leaders shovel the criticism out by the truckload--and that can do more harm than good.

Here are some helpful hints on using criticism constructively. First of all, critique the behavior, not the person. Criticizing someone lowers that person's self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. Separate the behavior from the person.

Remember that it takes eight positive comments to make up for a single negative one--and that includes those critical comments we intend to be constructive. Be sensitive to the individual. Share your insights with a young person at a time when he's not surrounded by his peers, when both of you are not rushed, and after you've taken time to gain his respect.

Maybe a young person has a problem with hygiene and you know other kids are avoiding him because of his body odor. This problem needs to be pointed out to the young person, but it must be done very gently--not with a condemning attitude, but with a spirit of love and support. If you are going to point out a problem or concern, make sure you also offer practical solutions; otherwise your criticism can merely destroy the person you want to help.

No matter what happens, never resort to name-calling. All teenagers have certain imperfections about which they are overly sensitive. The world takes notice of them to tease and ridicule. If a teenager is small, he's called "shorty," "squirt," "shrimp," or "runt." If he's tall and thin, he's "beanpole" or "stick." If he's overweight, it might be "fatso" or "blimp." If he's weak or uncoordinated, he might be "wimp" or "geek." Teenagers suffer deeply from such nicknames, even when they feign indifference.

In general it's best for adult leaders to avoid teasing their young people, even in jest. Insults cut deeper and last longer when they come from an adult youth leader. We can learn to communicate without sarcasm and ridicule. There is no place for biting comments in conversations between adult leaders and young people. Sarcasm evokes hatred and provokes counterattacks.

Criticism of personality and character gives a young person negative feelings about herself. A young person who is made to feel stupid accepts such evaluation as fact. She may give up intellectual pursuits to escape ridicule. Since competition means failure, her safety depends on not trying.

Don't Threaten What You Cannot or Will Not Do

Have you ever gotten so frustrated--after trying every method imaginable to quiet your group--that you yelled out a threat so idiotic your kids knew you would never follow through on it? Something similar to, "If you kids don't shut up, I'll never allow you to go on another church activity as long as you live!" They may stop the noise for a second, until they realize you'd never do such a thing. Empty threats don't help at all. In fact, such false statements just let kids know they have you!

The freshmen who enter our youth group each September are often a bit intimidated because they are the youngest ones in the group. One skit we do each year breaks the ice and helps those young people get a glimpse of one aspect of our discipline methods. As the young people come into the room on a particular week, I start trying to quiet them down--but I don't try very hard. Eventually, I pretend I'm getting mad and finally yell out, "If you kids don't shut up, I'm going to rip your arms off!"

Well, it always gets deadly silent--except for one eleventh-grader in the front row who continues to talk loudly. I walk directly to that student (who's still talking) and repeat, "I told you--if you don't shut up, I'm

going to rip your arms off." At this point you could hear a pin drop in the room. Every eye is on me and this one young person (who is still the only one talking). I reach over and grab him by the arm...

What the new freshmen don't know is that I got together with this eleventh-grader before the meeting and fixed him up so he has a mannequin's arm up his sleeve. After I grab the arm, I yank it right out of his sleeve. The freshmen kids in the back are screaming, "He did it! He really did it!" The kids quickly realize we were kidding--and everybody has a good laugh. But then I explain that if we say we're going to do something in this youth group, they can bet we will follow through on it.

**
Les Christie has spent more than forty years in youth ministry, including more than twenty years in the same church. An energetic speaker, Les also chairs the youth ministry department at William Jessup University. He's the author of more than a dozen books and lives in California with his wife, Gretchen, where he no longer has to discipline his two grown sons, Brent and David.

Learn more about and purchase "When Church Kids Go Bad" at Amazon.

Weekly Update: January 28

Parents,

      Thanks to all of you who came out on Sunday to hear about YMT '09!! It was a great evening. If you missed it, visit the blog for the video intro and forms [Chaperone Interest Form and Deposit Form (coming soon). More information will be posted there as it comes available. Read below for more info on fundraising.

SUPER BOWL PARTY
      Bring a snack (based on last name, below) to the Jackson's and enjoy watching the big game. Go Cardinals!!

LAST NAMES:
A-F: fruit/vegetable
G-P: something salty
Q-Z: something sweet

YMT '09 FUNDRAISING || sign-ups in the Youth Room or Lobby
      Two big events are on our radar to help raise funds for YMT '09. The first is the Chili Cookoff, February 22 at 5:30 PM. Are you a chili pro? This event is for you! Make a pot and win the top prize. Or just eat a bowl and make a donation toward the YMT. Invite your friends and neighbors, and sign up to help setup, clean up or cook!
      Then March 22 will be the Silent Auction and Dinner. Do you know a business that could donate an item for the auction? We'll auction off vacation homes, dinner cooked by a professional chef in your home, sports memorabilia, and a whole lot more. But we need volunteers to solicit these donations from local businesses. If you're interested in volunteering, contact Jan Stinchfield or the GBC Office.
      And don't forget the gift card fundraiser! Visit ShopWithScrip.com and enter DD864BL119488. Their website is newly redesigned and easier to use than ever. Talk to Aaron about any questions. Orders will be placed twice a month.

restoreWEEKEND || March 6-8
sign-ups & forms are in the Youth Room and Lobby
      Middle schoolers. High schoolers. Get ready for restoreWEEKEND, our weekend in-town "retreat." This is an exciting weekend focused on small group interaction, large group worship and an exciting encounter with our Creator. Cost is $25 for the weekend and sign-ups end February 22. More details next week.

Until next week...

YMT '09: Port Sulphur, Louisiana

Ready for YMT '09? Watch the video and check back soon for more details!

Also, as per Phil's announcement at the YMT Info Meeting: download the Chaperone Info sheet, fill it out and return to the church by March 1. This information will be used to ensure chaperone needs are taken care of for this year's YMT!

Weekly Update: January 21

Weekly Update: January 14

Parents,

      There's excitement in the air! Make sure you mark Sunday night, January 25 on your calendar for our Youth Mission Trip Information Meeting for parents. This meeting will take place during engage, and the youth will also take some time hearing about this year's mission trip.

THIS SUNDAY: engage after-hours
      There's no school on Monday for Henrico, so we're hanging out after engage. We'll run the GBC Shuttle over to the Stumpf's house and hang out for a while, eat food, watch TV. You can pick your youth up anytime between 8-10 PM. This will be a great follow-up to our message this week on Communion and the community we form as a church and youth group!

RESUMING THIS SUNDAY: create
      The worship (beginning and intermediate) create groups will resume meeting this Sunday at 5PM. Stay tuned for other beginning soon!

LEARN THE LINGO
detagging = process of disassociating yourself with a picture posted on Facebook [this technique is used a lot so youth can "hide" certain things, behaviors, etc.]

Until next week...

aaron@gaytonbaptist.org

Weekly Update: January 7

Parents,

      I am excited to welcome you into a new year. As we get started, I want to take a step back to reflect. But before we do that, a reminder that engage kicks off again this Sunday night -- and in the month of January, we will take an intense look at baptism, communion and what grace means in '09. And...
      We are excited to welcome Melissa Strong -- to our church office, and to our youth ministry team. She will be supporting youth ministry in addition to other duties. Welcome, Melissa!

MIDDLE SCHOOL: Grapple
      Middle school Sunday school classes have started using Grapple this month. It is an exciting way for middle schoolers to "grapple" with their faith.
      Grapple includes an online component. Please download the Grapple intro and release form to read more. Release forms must be returned for your student to be given access to myGrapple. Return forms to Melissa or Aaron.

Question: When am I done parenting? Isn't most of it done by the time kids reach their teenage years?

Mark Oestreicher, President of Youth Specialties:
In one sense (and you all know this), you're never done being a parent. I called my dad this week (I'm in my 40s, by the way) to get his advice and prayer (or course, he does the same with me now). And parenting teenagers has, in reality, stretched well into a students 20s in most cases. Adolescence has extended on both ends of its age delineators.

But I have a couple theories I'd like to suggest you consider:

First, you should make this assumption--by the time your child is in HS, most of your parenting is done. That's not to say that you still don't have a very important role in her life--you do! But it's normally a bit late to "change course". Parenting an older teen (or young 20-something) is more about "staying the course". More about continuing to model what you've already set in place. [read more]

TEEN LINGO
99 = Text message short code for "Parent no longer watching."

A THOUGHT TO CONSIDER
"Sometimes we're so concerned about giving our children what we never had growing up, we neglect to give them what we did have growing up."
-James Dobson

Until next week...

When Am I Done Parenting?

Question: When am I done parenting? Isn't most of it done by the time kids reach their teenage years?

In one sense (and you all know this), you're never done being a parent. I called my dad this week (I'm in my 40s, by the way) to get his advice and prayer (or course, he does the same with me now). And parenting teenagers has, in reality, stretched well into a students 20s in most cases. Adolescence has extended on both ends of its age delineators.

But I have a couple theories I'd like to suggest you consider:

First, you should make this assumption--by the time your child is in HS, most of your parenting is done. That's not to say that you still don't have a very important role in her life--you do! But it's normally a bit late to "change course". Parenting an older teen (or young 20-something) is more about "staying the course". More about continuing to model what you've already set in place.

The reality I just proposed adds significant weight to this next reality:

You're on the last lap. Or, maybe the 2nd-to-last lap.

These tender years of 9 - 11 (pre-teen) and 11 - 14 (young teen) are some of the most formative years of life. Kids are still extremely moldable, changeable, open. But as they settle into their mid-teen identity, change come less and less often. This is why I always joke with middle school ministry workers that we are still in "preventive ministry", while high school work is often "corrective ministry."

What does a long-distance runner do in the final lap or two? Think of the finish line. Calibrate what needs to take place in this diminishing space. Then recalibrate. Continue to pace yourself and recalibrate again.

Don't forget these two extremely important facts:

1. You are still the #1 influence in the life of your child at this age. This will begin to shift to their peer group in the older teen years.
2. The almost-absurd amount of change going on in the life of you pre-teen/young teen places them at a small timeframe of massive malleability (yes, I realize it doesn't always seem that way - but it's true).
   

These two facts combine to make these final laps of the parenting race some of the most important of your God-given role.

So don't throw in the towel. Don't concede. Don't abdicate your role to the church or the culture or their peer group. Let God fill your lungs with a fresh air of strength and courage. And take another step. And another.

Mark Oestreicher is the president of Youth Specialties (www.YouthSpecialties.com), the leading provider of resources and training for Christian youth workers. Marko speaks to parents, teens and youth workers around the world, and writes books (mostly for youth ministry and young teens). He lives in San Diego with his wife, Jeannie, and his two kids, Liesl and Max.